Chapter 22
TL: Akabane
***
The rain was pouring down, soaking the road in front of us black. A woman is staring at the dazzling dark light reflecting off the street lamps.
It might look like she was just taking shelter from the rain. But I know that she is not. I don't know what kind of expression she has on her face.
"You're going to get wet."
I take out a folded umbrella from my bag and hold it out to her. As I stand beside her, this person sniffs a little in frustration.
"It's fine."
"Then, what are you doing here?"
"Nothing."
"Okay."
She didn't accept my folding umbrella, so I had no choice but to linger and lower my arms.
She had always shown me a good face, but I never expected to see this kind of expression on her face. It was a fresh feeling.
I guess that's just how it is. As an idol, she can't hurt her fans. No matter how hard it was for her, she always wore a smile on her face. It's not natural because she's a professional. I even respect her as a person.
......Aimi Momoka is standing next to me now. And she is showing a face that she has never shown before. The question that comes to mind.
Am I not just one of her fans?
Because I'm sure I am. If I had been standing here back then, she would have been more kind to me. Because I am a fan. Nothing more, nothing less. I shouldn't have taken it into my heart.
I wonder if he sees me as ...... more than that. My heart immediately rumbles. It painfully rips my heart out.
I just let the sound of the rain carry that emotion. Nothing is born and nothing will come of it. As it is. As Miya-san said, I will naturally distance myself from it and spend the rest of my life as if nothing had happened.
"......... I hate the rain."
She said that so gravely that I asked, "Why?"
Yamamoto thought for a moment and said in a muffled voice.
"Because it looks like I'm crying."
Even though it was a childish reason, I almost nodded my head when she said it. Surely this must be her heart. Right now, this weather is in Miina Yamamoto's heart. If so, I'm terribly disappointed.
"Umm ...... Yamamoto-san."
The rain shows no sign of stopping. In fact, it was only getting stronger, and I thought I would have to raise my voice a little to reach her. Strangely, I wasn't embarrassed, even though there were people around.
"Would you like to be friends with me?"
"Huh?"
She looked up at me. I felt her eyes on me. I was too embarrassed to face her.
No matter how much I chewed over the meaning of the words, I knew that what I had said would be bad in more ways than one. It would cross the line between being a fan and a former idol, a line I had unconsciously drawn.
Ah, yes. I was afraid of saying this. Not that my relationship with her would change, but that I would have to abandon the sign that says "fan" more than anything else.
If so, why did those words come out of my mouth? I don't deny that it was my true intention. I don't want to be thought of as a stopgap measure. Perhaps it was a rebellion against Miya-san.
"Um, ...... why suddenly?"
"Ah, no, that's right. What am I saying, huh ......?"
Her response is perfectly reasonable. It's too abrupt. But I felt that if I let this moment pass, I would never be able to say the same thing again.
The rain is no different. People around us were running while getting hit, or giving up and taking cabs. No one was standing still like us.
The wind at the end of the year was cold. Standing still made me shiver. When I sniffed, the smell of rain was strong.
"......"
She turned toward the road again and said nothing. The air is awkward, but no good feeling words come to mind.
In that sense, it was probably a good thing it was raining. Because it was easier to fool around with than a quiet night. Even if it was in her mind.
That's whay Miya-san said. She told me to get back in a good mood. I had come this far, wondering why I had to be told such a thing. But I also felt that it was wrong to leave her like this.
The suggestion that we become friends is not even a mood-setter. I don't need to be. As I have said many times before, this is my true intention.
"Umm, Yamamoto-san."
I call out again. But there is no response.
"I'm sorry about earlier."
It was a very late apology. It should have been the first thing I should have done, but it had completely slipped my mind, even though I have been alive for 32 years and have been working for 10 years. It's very embarrassing.
I think of the selfishness of wanting people to understand that I'm just that flustered.
"...... Not funny."
I couldn't say anything back. I swallowed her venom honestly. Then, Yamamoto gave a chuckle, even though she had been Buddhist up until now.
"I'm just kidding. I don't mind."
Then, why did she have such a sad-looking back? Why did she show a different side of herself in front of me, his fan? There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but there was one thing I could say.
"...... You're lying, aren't you?"
I don't know if she is trying to look good or if she doesn't want to show her true feelings. But she is clearly lying now. Not to me. To herself. It was the same atmosphere as when she said she wanted to quit being an idol.
"What is it?"
"That you don't mind."
"Why do you think like that?"
"It's just a feeling."
"That's not a reason."
"You don't deny it, do you?"
We both looked at the road and just spun words as we thought of them. Although we weren't looking at each other, I felt as if we're naturally catching up. No, I'm sure it's because we don't see each other.
"......Why do you say you want to be my friend?"
Back to the story. No, maybe it's a necessary return to move on. So I thought about it a bit. The answer came rather quickly.
"I can't leave you alone."
"Ha ......?"
"I've been watching you for a long time."
I realized I hadn't said enough after I finished.
I turned to her as quickly as I could, but so did Yamamoto.
"This, this means as a fan. ......!"
I said such excuses with our eyes locked, for about three seconds. Eventually, we both turned away. Even though she hadn't been drinking, her cheeks seemed to be a little flushed. She was so beautiful, I couldn't help but admire her.
I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean anything deep, but I didn't want to make any more excuses. I coughed plainly, hoping she would understand.
"Fufu."
She laughed, so I said, a little miffed.
"Don't laugh at me ......."
"Sorry. It was funny."
"In case you're wondering, I'm older than you."
It seems that this is not a reason, and Yamamoto is still chuckling. It's hard to believe that this is the same girl who was sulking just a few minutes ago, she has such an innocent expression on her face.
"Because, you see--"
"Hmm?"
After a round of laughter, she looks up at me and says, as if trying to appease a younger person.
I noticed that the rain was weakening.
"We're friends, aren't we?"
The second high rumble could not be deceived by the sound of the rain. My heart jumped harder. It whips against my body, painfully, violently, yet not painfully.
She stares at me intently, as if she is looking into the depths of my eyes. Yamamoto Miina's dark eyes are shimmering like light reflected on glass.
"--Indeed. That's true, too."
Even if she goes back to being out of reach, that's still fine. It's not hard for me to support Yamamoto as a friend. As long as I don't cause any trouble, no one will complain.
"Then, don't get wet in the rain."
"It's already weakened, it's such a good thing."
"I'm fine. Your body is your capital, right?"
Half-heartedly, I handed her a folding umbrella. At first, she was hesitant, but it was she who broke the ice.
Miya-san will be here soon, and I have to go to the after-party. Fujiwara and the others would be noisy if I made them wait too long.
"See you then."
The restaurant is just around the corner. I would see her soon. The embarrassment I felt for having spoken such a snappy line is cooling down in this rain.
"--Araki-san!"
Her beautiful voice sounded good. But it was a voice directed only at me, so the people around me didn't care. My heart rumbled again, feeling exclusive.
I turn and look at the person who stopped me. She doesn't say anything. Just a small, really small wave of her hand. Her mouth seems to be slightly turned up. From a distance, it's hard to tell.
When I noticed, the rain had stopped.
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