Chapter 5


TL: Akabane


***


I realized that it was five minutes before the end of my lunch break. I had to get back to the office in time. Fortunately, the company culture is rather liberal, so it's okay if I go out for a bit. I texted my coworker, "I have to run a few errands."


"Sorry. It's okay now."


"I'm sorry to bother you while you're at work ......."


"It's fine. Don't worry about it."


I was too anxious to go home and work anyway. I couldn't say that. I said it in a way that was as unnatural as possible, so as not to make her feel uncomfortable.


So, you know. Let's get some information straight. It's been like this since yesterday. I feel like I'm working even though I'm at home. I'm sick of it.


Momo-chan says she wants to quit her idol career. So to speak, that's why she brought up the allegations of infatuation. And she's dragging me, a civilian, into it. It's a nuisance if you think about it calmly. But I knew that complaining about what had happened would not help.


Suddenly, something occurred to me.


"Why did you want to quit?"


Yes. This wouldn't have happened if she didn't think so in the first place. And in the eyes of her fans, her opportunities to be in the spotlight were steadily increasing. It's media exposure, as they say.


There were times when she was chosen for tie-ins to dramas and movies, and from my point of view, she seemed to be steadily climbing the ladder. Apparently, the real intention was different.


"I'm tired ......."


"You mean busy?"


She shook her head four times.


"It's the voices around me. I'm afraid of the reactions, and there are not a few days I can't sleep."


It hit me. This is exactly what we exchanged yesterday: SNS. It's a space where anonymous people with verbal knives gather.


Of course, not all of them are like that. There are people who are genuinely enjoying themselves. However, people are remembered more for "one person's dislike" than for "99 people's likes". It is a mysterious creature.


No one wants to be hated. Somewhere in our hearts, there is always a desire to be recognized. It is still good if you want to be recognized. However, there are a few people who try to preserve their own existence value by belittling others. I don't surf SNS for the sake of it. I'm sorry to say it, but it's a lawless area.


"Like ...... ego search?"


She nodded. That was unexpected.


But this made it clear that Momo-chan is not suited for SNS. This is a world where there are more than just fans. Idols and celebrities are just targets to be told whatever they want. If you don't have the luxury of being able to take it lightly, it will just be tough.


It is a difficult world to live in.


"The more famous I get, the more I feel like I'm going to lose my mind."


"Well, don't you have some kind of mental care for your office?　I think it's especially necessary in this day and age."


"Our office is old. We don't have anything like that."


She says with a bitter smile.


But that is a big problem. Talent is exposed to publicity, and they are told what to do and say. The mental burden must be so heavy that ordinary people don't understand it. Like in this case, even their private lives are being monitored.


It would be like saying, "I voluntarily stepped in." But that doesn't give us the right to beat them up as we please. Too many people misunderstand that.


I'm going to bring it back to the forefront. Mental health care is something that even the smallest of small companies are doing. Mental care carries that much weight. I don't have to tell you where sick people end up.


"In that context, the cheerleader's account was encouraging."


"Oh, my account ......?"


"Yes."


Ah, cute. Seeing her nod in embarrassment, I feel embarrassed too.


Certainly, if we were connected through a back account, she must have seen what I said. I instantly became worried that I had said something strange, but I assured her that it would be okay as far as her expression was concerned.


"Thank you so much for your support all these years."


It was as if it was a closing statement.


It was as if she was telling me that from now on I need not worry about her anymore. It made my heart ache. I almost said, "Don't say that," but after hearing her story, I found myself unable to say it easily.


"--I think it's okay if you quit."


So I take Momo-chan's words at face value. But I felt I understood her feelings a little. In the sense of a stressful society, the entertainment industry and the world we live in are the same. It is too much to live with one's own heart constricted.


"So you're not going to stop me.........?"


"Well, that's true, I really don't want you to quit. But if it's too hard, there's no reason to continue. It's the same in the company."


It's been 10 years since I joined the company as a new graduate. Looking around, many of my friends have changed jobs. What fits him or doesn't fit him is an important point. In that sense, I was lucky to be able to work for one company for 10 years. It's not that it's hard.


Momo-chan is younger than me. She can redo her life as much as she wants. Coming from a relatively well-known idol background is a talent you can't find even if you look for it.


I wonder what other fans would have said.


Would they have done everything in their power to stop her? Or would they have tried to persuade her with all sorts of tricks? But I don't think it's right for fans to go that far.


I don't have the resolve to decide how she should live her life. I don't know what I would have done if I had been involved in this.


"What are you going to do about it?"


I was put off because of all the confusion, but from my point of view, it's what I'm most concerned about. When I asked her, she opened her mouth apologetically.


"The office will issue a release. There are no facts. The photo was just a coincidence, and the other party is a completely unrelated person."


"Oh, that's--"


I was about to say, but she seemed to understand the meaning of my words and gave a small nod.


I had tried to lower her value as an idol by causing a scandal over a passionate love affair. I'm not a big fan of idols who have caused a scandal even once, because they are looked at differently.


But in this case, it was some sort of stunt. I said it had no basis in fact, and that's exactly what happened. That doesn't mean that she was unscathed, though.


She said earlier that she was "a liability in the group." From the fans' point of view, and from the office's point of view, I don't think that's true. Rather, she is in the position of leading the group with her high performance. If she were to leave the group, it would be a considerable blow.


In that light, I think the office's response is quite reasonable. It has nothing to do with her own will.


"So I think it will be a little while before I quit. It will be treated as a leave of absence for a while."


"So ...... is it?"


"I'm really, really sorry."


I don't know how many times she apologized. She smiles and almost cries. I think she is a child with a lot of emotional expression. I realized once again that the girl in front of me was the real "Momoka Aimi" because she looked the same way on stage.


I didn't care if she apologized. Rather, I found myself beginning to worry about her future. As a fan, I want to stop her retirement. But I didn't want to ignore her will. I was swaying in between the two, and my emotions were playing on the trapeze.


"I want to respect Momo-chan's wishes."


"What .........?"


"I understand that you are going through a lot. I don't even understand what I'm talking to Momoka Aimi about right now. But--"


Only at this moment, I felt like I had been at a handshake meeting for a long time. I had a flashback of that scene where I falteringly expressed my feelings to the girl of my dreams.


"I'm an old man who still idolizing Momo-chan. So, please live your life without overdoing it."


There was no lie in those words. They were sincere and from the bottom of my heart.


The thought that I will never see her again makes my heart ache. I feel as if I will not even be able to breathe.


Still, I don't want to see her go out of business. If that is the case, I would rather have her disappear from my life. It is such a convenient reason for me.


"...... That's why I thought I'd talk to you."


"That day?"


"Yes."


This brings me back to the story. What do she mean she was going to talk to me? It wasn't that I had forgotten. It's just that that wasn't what I wanted to ask her right now. I'm still curious about it.


"Why me?"


"I was tired of a lot of things at the time. The weeklies were following me, and things weren't going well in the group."


I wonder if this was her way of saying "SOS". Listening to her story, the incident was impulsive. I don't sense any planning. I am sure that she invited me to the party today.


What a dangerous girl.


"Anyway, please take a good rest. I'm fine now."


"......Yes. Thank you."


The apology from earlier is gone from her face as she says that. She smiled gently and happily. It's a smile I'm used to seeing, and it makes me feel a little safer.


It's really a shame. She's so cute and such a good singer and dancer, I can't believe she's disappeared from the stage.


Half an hour had passed since the end of lunch break. Talking with her was a good memory in a way. I was sad when we parted, though.


I felt it would be a shame to leave without ordering anything, so I ordered lunch for myself. The waitress looked a little uncomfortable because it was just before the end of lunch hours.


I didn't do it on purpose. It's fine. Today was the day that my favorite girl disappeared from my sight.


The next day, a notice was posted on the official website of Sakura Romance.


The content was that the news report on Aimi Momoka was innocent. And that she would be taking a leave of absence for about two months due to mental strain. In the online news, many people laughed at her as they liked.


This is like looking at a moonless night sky. It's irritating. I felt ashamed of myself for pretending to be her lover, and saying, "You don't know anything about her."



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